my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
