i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
