wrigley field is MILF paradise
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
