i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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