he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
3pm strippers are depressing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
