I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
