after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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