To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If that was your dad, he is hot
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
