as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize