if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
