I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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