saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
