put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
