cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
