In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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