I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
