Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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