i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
