She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
