The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
