weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
