He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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