If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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