Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
