I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
