I think I am morally bankrupt
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
