you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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