there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
