Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
