well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
