why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
