I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
