I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize