i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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