I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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