been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
