He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
