dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
