I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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