I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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