We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
