Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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