I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
