if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
