yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
