"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
