We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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