does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize