I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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