Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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