I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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