i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize