then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
