Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
