a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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