i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize