You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
