i need an iv and a liver transplant
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize