made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
