I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
