Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He better not be in your backpack
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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