when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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