Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
