In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it was like eating out sand paper
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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