Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
